De-viced

There are days when I wish that I could get drunk. When you've had a long day or a long week or whatever - and people say "I'm having a beer/glass of wine/whatever tonight" and it sounds good. I'd love to have something that was guaranteed to make me feel better. Maybe not for the long term, but just something so that tonight I could be relaxed and happy and... well, drunk, I guess.

I'm not a complete tee-totaller any more, but if I drink more than 3-4 ounces of booze a year, I'd be surprised. At a certain level, I do tend to get kind of flushed and giggly, but I'm certainly not relaxed; and headache and nausea are usually hard on the heels of the giggles. I did try pot in university, but that didn't last long; it did induce a weird feeling of separation, but again, no relaxation, nausea and generally feeling nasty went along with it.

For a long time, I've self medicated with food. Feeling bad? Have some chocolate or baked goods or junk food or something. But these days, there are several problems with that. A) I just can't eat enough of anything to get the buzz without feeling ill and B) the niggling guilt overrides the enjoyment. I still love good food, don't get me wrong, but it just doesn't have the same effect it used to.

I want something that will make me feel the same way as a good massage, without the money and having to get all oily. A bath can be good, but I still don't have easy access to a tub that lets me soak without kinking my neck. And I may be all "granola", but I still think it sounds lame to head out of the office on Friday afternoon saying, "I can't wait to get home and do an hour of yoga!"

Sigh.