10 Nov 2006
 | Conundrum So, am I crushing on Gerry? Given my well developed ability to crush on people who I've never met, I think it would be a safe bet to say yes. Could I love Gerry? As a friend, that would also be a definite yes - he's genuinely a kind, generous, intelligent man who deserves to be loved. In a romantic way? I would say that the capacity is there; he's romantic, he makes me laugh and although no one is as good in bed as he thinks he is, it is pretty damn nice. The question is, would it be a good idea, because I'm beginning to see what Kaylene is worried about. Gerry may be divorcing his ex, but he sure hasn't left her yet. Now, I'm not passing judgement on that in and of itself. It may be a case of "time heals all wounds", it may be something that he never moves past. It's not my place to decide what it should be, even if I could influence it and I know I can't (and shouldn't.) I'm fairly certain he's received all the "she's a worthless bitch" speeches from friends and family that one could imagine and my half cent on the subject is not worth it. What he ultimately does is not in my purview. What is in my realm of action is how I choose to act. What I want to do is fling myself in wholeheartedly. And if his baggage was such that it didn't tie in so many other people, that's probably what I would do. But it does and it has the potential to really wreck me, regardless of how much I know he would never want that to happen. So we're back to the one day at a time, take it slow, don't make long term plans, etc. You've heard this song before, I know, so why am I harping on it again? Mostly to remind myself, I think. God knows that he is completely upfront about his emotional state and hopefully that will also help me to restrain myself and if I do get hurt, I sure won't be able to say that I was bamboozled. In the end, I may still fling myself into the deep end, because life isn't supposed to be about safe all the time and the payoff has the potential to be worth the chance of hurt. But if I do hit the concrete, I hope I remember to come back and read this. Ciao. |
contemplative 09 Nov 2006
| Coincidences It's a strange, strange world... I hooked up with Gerry at a Halloween party - I met Mike at a Halloween party 10 years ago. Plus my boss met her husband Gerry at a Halloween party. Gerry's birthday is in October - Mike's is in October. There was a four year gap between my previous boyfriend and Mike - there was a four year gap between my last boyfriend and Gerry. There's probably more, but I'm not sure I want to know about them! On the other hand, there are lots of differences too, and most of them are good things, so yeah! Ciao! |
05 Nov 2006
| Firsts, Pseudo Firsts, etc Ok, first of all, I have to thank all you guys who saw that comment posted by Gerry. Barely any friend requests at all until you see something that suggests I'm an easy lay and BANG! every hard-up, swinging, creepy guy on myspace wants to be my friend. Sigh. All I can say is you missed your chance - I may be an easy lay, but only for one guy at a time! If you're really that interested, you'll just have to keep reading for the post where we break up. Well, now that that's out of the way.... I did talk to Gerry later in the day after my last post and everything was good. Well, at least in the sense that we both at least seem to understand where the other person is coming from. He actually had a confession in return, so we both got to sweat. It seems that before Halloween, he'd planned a vacation and not wanting to go alone, he invited a female friend. She's a single mom with 5 kids who's never been anywhere sunny and beachy, so he thought she'd enjoy it. He was afraid I'd be upset! Hee, hee - like he was supposed to have some crystal ball that would tell him to hold off. Of course, I'm jealous as all hell that he'll be going somewhere sunny and beachy, but not that he's going with her! At any rate, that's not until March and god knows, we could hate each other by then. Not that that seems likely, mind you. In a sense, this is really hard. One part of me wants to just jump up and down, and clap my hands and say: "Look at my new man. Isn't he cute? Isn't he sweet? We're gonna love each other for ever and ever and I'm never gonna share him. So there!" On the other hand, I'm supposed to be a grown up now and as someone with a share of the responsibility for 2, 4, god however many hearts are tied up in this one way or another, I kinda have to haul all that in and sit on it. He's got scar damage from his marriage and lord knows I'm not without baggage myself. Any of that, or even something completely new, could trip us up. So it's relax... one day at a time... enjoy the moments as they happen and don't invest too much in the future. I did end up going back to Red Deer for most of this weekend. He had the kids, so it was a pretty sedate weekend. I got there in time for dinner Friday night and the kids to go to bed. On Saturday, the kids and I played "hide and go seek" in the store while Gerry and his dad finished installing some new equipment. We also went shopping for new furniture for his basement - that was surreal experience. I wasn't doing the buying and it wasn't for me, but still, I've never been able to just walk in and buy something I liked without really having to think about the expenditure. Aaaah, how the other half lives. We had pizza for dinner and played board games until the kids' bed time. This morning we were up and out to have breakfast with "grandma and grandpa" and their motorcycle club. Honest to god, I don't know what's more nerve wracking: meeting the parents for the first time or seeing them for the first time in 10 years after you know that they know you've been sleeping with their son. Fortunately, I may have blushed a little bit, but it was all fine. Not long after breakfast, I had to head home, since Mom and I had matinee tickets to "3 Mo' Divas". There are definitely parts of this relationship that are new that I could get used to. I was pretty much ready to head out to the car and Gerry not only walked me out but insisted on carrying my bag. Women's lib be damned, he's pure gentleman and I like it! I draw the line at making him carry my purse around like the girls in Singapore, but it's nice having a bit of gallantry aimed in my direction. So, now I'm home again and looking forward to a cold, lonely bed. Hands down the worst part of any relationship before you move in together: nights apart. Not that I particularly need sex every night (well.......) but I'm such a touchy feely person, I get used to sleeping next to another person REALLY fast. Oh well, suck it up - some nights with absolutely beats every night without! Ciao! |
content 01 Nov 2006
| Halloween Report As I believe I mentioned earlier, Halloween is my favorite holiday of the year. So, although I did go to the kick-ass party on Saturday, I had to do something more last night than sit around in my pj's and hand out candy. Thing 2 and I had thought to go to a haunted house, but as far as we could discover, they all ran over the weekend and then ended. Wimps! The only thing we could find was a Ghost Tour of Old Strathcona. So we bundled up against the cold and headed out. For $5, it was pretty neat, but not exactly a scream a minute. We were mostly entertained by the vocal idiosyncricities of the guide. Widow = Wit-ow, Lantern = Lantron, Classroom = Clashroom, etc. Plus she described one event as taking place on the "third room sitting floor", which was extra funny because the building in question didn't seem to have a third floor. The only thing I would have changed was that it was damn cold. I also carved a pumpkin - I do at least one every year. If you wander over to my pics, I'll try and post a couple of pictures. I believe Thing 1 described me as "sick and twisted" when I told her my idea this year, but hey, it's Halloween, it's supposed to be sick and twisted. Ok, I know, you want to know what's happening with the mystery guy. Well, if you've looked at the comments on my home page, the first thing you figured out is that he doesn't care who knows, so yup, it's Gerry, my friend Kay's older brother. He called me Sunday night after I'd got home and we talked for quite a while (97 minutes according to his phone.) And then we talked again for a good chunk of time Monday night again. We talked about serious stuff, not so serious stuff and stuff in the middle. We get along surprisingly well. He mentioned on Sunday that he and Kay had had a long discussion where she warned him not to break my heart. So, I sent her an email sort of outlining my thoughts on the matter and got a very cogent response detailing her hopes and concerns. In a very basic sense, she said the she and Dave thought that Gerry and I were a great match but her whole family is concerned that Gerry is more hung up on his soon to be ex-wife than he admits. I suspect that the truth lies somewhere in the grey murkiness between the two descriptions, but I'm not the type that can just let it lie. I've already warned him that I'm pretty blunt in relationships, so I composed an email this morning and sent it off. Now I'm sitting on pins waiting for a response and hoping it's not "screw off and die." I don't think that's terribly likely, but better to know now that later if it is, I guess. We had made plans that I would go back again this weekend and I still want to go, if he'll have me. Aaargh, I hate waiting.... Ciao. |
anxious 
No comments:
Post a Comment